Couples Therapy in San Francisco & California

When you keep having the same difficult conversations

You may feel stuck in the same arguments, even when you both intend to handle things differently. Small disagreements escalate, attempts to explain yourself leave you feeling unheard, or conversations end with one or both of you withdrawing. Perhaps things have grown quieter over time, and you feel more like roommates than partners.

A loss of trust or closeness can make it hard to reach for each other. Couples therapy offers time to slow down, understand what happens between you, and work on how you respond to each other.

Understanding the cycle

Often, each partner’s response makes sense from their own perspective. One person pushes to talk because the distance feels painful. The other pulls back because the conversation feels overwhelming. The more one pursues, the more the other withdraws, and both can end up feeling alone.

Your version may look different. We’ll look at how the interaction unfolds, what each of you is feeling, and what you are hoping your partner will understand. Recognizing that sequence can help you see where a conversation takes a familiar turn and where a different response might be possible.

Both partners need room to be heard. Understanding the cycle also includes acknowledging hurt, taking responsibility for your actions, and discussing what repair would require.

How I work with couples

I take an active role in helping you slow down difficult conversations. I may pause an exchange, ask what happened for each of you in that moment, or help you put a concern into words your partner can more easily hear. We’ll pay attention to the feelings and needs that can be hard to express when you are angry, guarded, or afraid of being dismissed.

My training and experience include Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), which looks at the emotional bond between partners and the cycles that can leave them feeling disconnected. EFT informs my work, and I adapt our conversations to your relationship, concerns, and pace. I draw on this framework flexibly, with room for practical questions and the particular difficulties you bring.

For some couples, this means practicing how to express a need without escalating an argument. For others, it means talking carefully about broken trust, learning to return to a conversation after conflict, or finding ways to be close again. We’ll discuss what each of you hopes will change and revisit how the work is going.

You don’t need to be in crisis to start couples counseling. You may want help with a recurring disagreement or a growing sense of distance before it becomes harder to address.

When you are unsure about staying together

If one of you is considering leaving but remains uncertain, while the other hopes to stay, discernment counseling offers a separate, structured process for considering your next step. It makes room to decide whether to commit to couples therapy, keep things as they are, or move toward separation.

Preparing for marriage

Premarital counseling provides a focused way to discuss expectations, communication, finances, intimacy, and family as you prepare for married life. I use the Prepare/Enrich assessment to help guide those conversations.

Practical details

I offer couples therapy and relationship counseling in person in San Francisco and online by video throughout California. You can read about session lengths, fees, and getting started or explore resources for couples.